my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize