everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
