What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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