please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
