Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
