And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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