Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
