She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
