Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
