I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
