yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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