great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
