So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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