Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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