did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Fuck appropriateness.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hippo gnu deer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
