I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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