Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you still have your period?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
