So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Please don't give away my fajitas
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
