I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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