What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize