I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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