It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am spending my child support on dildos
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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