She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
