What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
