it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
