I bet he comes in French.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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