This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
