my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
