god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We don't watch enough power rangers
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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