So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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