i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
