my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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