dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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