bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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