OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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