Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
