Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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