So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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