Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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