this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
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Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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