i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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