It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
