Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
