you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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