jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
id be glad to
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
