You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
