I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
