Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
