I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
