I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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