Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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