Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
