My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
