Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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