Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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