Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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