do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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