He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
