she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
