I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
