So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
