You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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