its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
