I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
