Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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